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one girl's journey through every cliche ever

The Snow.
15 July 1987
"Truly, Lauren Snow is God's gift to gift-giving." -Hallmark
"A masterpiece! Any way you look at it, she's some damn good art right there. And I have looked at it EVERY WAY." -Pablo Picasso, 1910
"I hate her, because she is more famous than me." -Harry Potter
"An afternoon with Lauren Snow is like taking LSD laced with peyote and shitting out a rainbow." -Timothy Leary, 1967
"What a bitch." -Voltaire
"She wrote 26 of my plays. I'm not telling which ones." -William Shakespeare
"Looking at photos of Lauren made me want to stay in my tanning bed for three extra hours. I put her picture on the fridge to scare myself into renewing my membership." -Paris Hilton
"She created me." -Dracula

All you need to know is... Voltaire is a fucker.