Paradox/Chaos

I was reading this thing on the web about increasing brain power... and I've come to the conclusion that I need to set some goals.

I really want to lose some more weight. It has nothing to do with self worth (I'd really like to put all that guilt-ridden shit behind me), I just want to look hawt. And greater energy would be nice. And I guess a goal wrapped up in this one is greater self-discipline.

I really want to create on a regular basis. Once again, I stopped using my planner. This causes all sorts of chaotic living. I really want to give this whole visual art thing a chance.

Just... musing

Here are four of the five ICS drawings I did yesterday. WHEEEEE



( look under the cut for boobies )

I'm feeling dejected because I wanted to have a really eventful day today on my day off. I was supposed to go hang out with my friend earlier, but it hasn't happened yet and it's already getting dark - I tried to go work out at around 6 pm but there was NO. FUCKING. PARKING at the gym.... so I ate two ounces of cheese instead of working out. Haha, funny how that works. Except it's not that funny.

GRRRARRRR

I should do some cleaning and drawing instead. I have a new goal: every day after work I will either work out or do art. I'm feeling particularly pudgy lately, although it's probably hard to tell for the outside eyes. My pants are just feeling a bit tighter than I'd like them to.

I want to paint, and I have several ideas floating around in the ol' noggin. And I want to pick up oils again. Oils are SOOO MESSY, but I feel like acrylics are cramping my style - they tend to get muddy so quickly and my patience with that shit is running thin as I get older. Then again, I've never really been a patient person. AND I finally installed Photoshop CS3, Illustrator and InDesign on my Mac, so now all I have to do is hunt down that tablet and I'll be ready to start digital art again... although the last time I did digital media, I was in high school, so it'll be a bit like learning to walk again. At least, I'm expecting it to be that way.

Anyways.

.... not much of a dump, but it's what I got for you. I haven't been a very active artist lately but I'm really working on being more prolific.
( eye candy guaranteed to make you orgasm. and then give you cavities.  ) 
Check out my horoscope for today...  this is totally true. My ponderings were more revealed in my sketches than any conscious thought, however - I was feeling super open to any and all possibilities the universe was sending me today, and I felt overwhelmed almost to the point of tears at one point.

Wed Sep 2: Mysteries of Life

The mysteries of life get your attention as the Moon awakens dreamy Neptune in your eighth house of death and rebirth; pay attention to any dreams you have now. You might find that a dream meeting with a relative who has passed over is more than just a dream. Be open to messages the Universe is sending you now. Propitious colours are blue sapphire and jet black. Lucky numbers are 17 and 43.

I find myself alone on a Friday night - one roommate asleep, one roommate onstage at JumpStart Performance Co., and boyfriend workin' hard for CD Exchange. I've been intending to clean my room, start my laundry, and look for the title to my vehicle, but I've found myself merely unwinding in front of the glowing screen of my computer. I ate a bowl of peanut butter bumpers with soymilk (which was DELICIOUS, if dehydrating), and uploaded some photos from the past month onto my computer.

I desire to simply MUSE - not to record what I've done as if record keeping. I just haven't had a lot to pour forth lately. Why is that? A dry patch in my literary life, perhaps? I have been reading more lately - right now it's The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice and 48 Laws of Power by I think Joseph Greene.... definitely enjoying the latter more. While reading the former, I've found BDSM isn't my thing.

I imagine I will pour forth even more at a latter time... right now I have to get to some of the chores before the boyfriend makes it home. Enjoy some pictures.







Something I do when I'm alone for a while... take pictures of myself in a variety of getups. Sad and Emo-like, I know, except I've been doing it since I was four, so maybe more like ego-centric? Oh well, either way, I look kick-ass in a mask!

...Oh, what a lovely opportunity. Two posts in one evening! Perhaps this shall make up for my lack of posts in the past few weeks.

I've been not wanting to reflect upon my doings lately - hence the half-assed accounts. But I shall make an attempt.

SEDUCTIVE DRUNKEN BAR BEHAVIOR!!!



On Saturday, I was involved in an accident and totalled my mother's car. It is very sad. Wave goodbye to the Hellmobile - surely it will be going to Hell, its home, where it will be truly happy, at long, long last. I've been dealing with the aftermath of that all week long, and hopefully it'll be resolved soon. I've now had to give at three different recorded statements and dismiss two different ambulence chasers. My mom has her eye on a used Jetta at her work -- $4,000. We're getting more than that paid to us for the vehicle, so that's good - and I'd kind of dig a Jetta, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Send the good juju!

I've been a little depressed and stir crazy lately since I have no method of transportation - I could take the bus, but I do need change... which I suppose I could scrounge up. Today I have been extraordinarily dizzy all day - a very strange feeling that I can't remember having, ever. It's like getting the spins after downing four shots of whiskey. Except I haven't had any alcohol in a while.

I did get the job at HEB - I'm gonna be a bagger! All you shoppers better watch out! I'm the bagger with the college degree! Well, almost - nearly - alright, I'm already saying that "I got my education". It's one fucking class, people. One class away from having my Bachelor's.

PICTURE TIME!

( pretty much NSFW - mythological boobies under here )

Hey dere interwebs. I just want to say that applying for jobs is a full time job. I have been trying trying trying to get some income coming because rent's due on Saturday. Grrr. Driving school receptionist? Jamba Juice? H-E-B? Something even better?

In the meantime, here are some photos of my trip to see Tori Fucking Amos. With my lovely boyfriend.

I suck at journaling, lately.

God, it's because I've been flying through my life by the seat of my pants. WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

Oh well. On Wednesday, I turned twenty-two. I spent time with my mother, helping her with a maternity photoshoot, and Brandon, and life-drawing class. I invited almost forty people to come have drinks with me in the evening, and NO ONE CAME. I was miffed, but that's what I get for being spontaneous and informal - if I had called people or actually given out REAL invitations, people might've shown up. Plus my best friends were elsewhere - like working/rehearsing/South Korea. I had fun with Brandon and his cousin Jen.

On Thursday, Brandon took me out for birthday dinner at an excellent Japanese restaurant. I spent the next two days working furiously on a skirt for this drag queen I sometimes do work for - this skirt was a lot harder than the other one I made for him, because it was extremely lightweight satin. I burned myself twice trying to iron the goddamn thing.

I just started birth control and was worried about weight gain for a while, but I'm using all the powers of my mind to make that not an issue. Make sure to send good, weight-loss-y juju my way.

My cat spilled water on my new Mac laptop and now half the keys aren't working.

Harry Potter was awesome. I'm going in for round two today.

I had an awesome time reading scary stories to my roommate Laura while she made dinner last night. Then I drew her naked for a class project. Now I wanna get naked. :(

I wish I had some pretty pretty pictures to post for you people, but I should be getting a camera charger for my excellent camera very soon, so expect it!

I sound so DEPRESSED! Oh well, that's what I get for journaling on my period.

That reminds me....

Go watch the new Potter Puppet Pals. It's amazing!

What I needed to hear this morning. 

 This is MAH KITTEH: His name is Jack, but I call him Jack the Deuce because my very first kitteh's name was Jack. I named him after Jack Skellington when I was seven or so. BUT this kitteh was pre-named, so JACK THE DEUCE. 



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